Reflection Title: Jack + Patty!
Book – The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully by Frank Ostasecki (Part 2/2)
Book Description:
As a renowned teacher of compassionate caregiving and the cofounder of the Zen Hospice Project, Frank Ostaseski has sat on the precipice of death with more than a thousand people. In The Five Invitations, he distills the lessons gleaned over the course of his career, offering an evocative and stirring guide that points to a radical path to transformation.
The Five Invitations: Don't wait; Welcome everything, push away nothing; Bring your whole self to the experience; Find a place of rest in the middle of things; and Cultivate "don't know mind".
These Five Invitations show us how to wake up fully to our lives. They can be understood as best practices for anyone coping with loss or navigating any sort of transition or crisis; they guide us toward appreciating life's preciousness. Awareness of death can be a valuable companion on the road to living well, forging a rich and meaningful life, and letting go of regret. The Five Invitations is a powerful and inspiring exploration of the essential wisdom dying has to impart to all of us.
Reflection:
It has been a long time since I last spontaneously started sobbing while reading a book.
I believe the last time I can remember this happening was when I was consuming the final chapter of the book, When Breath Becomes Air. I was listening to the story as an audio book and the author’s wife, Lucy Kalanathi, is finishing her husband’s story posthumously. I remember running on a treadmill in my basement while I uncontrollably sobbed listening to Lucy share about her husband’s final days on this Earth and conclude the story that he had started in his final months on this Earth. That was back in April of 2022, I remember the date because I wrote the YOML reflection for the story on the anniversary of Emilia’s death, April 22cd, 2022.
Well, it is now January of 2023, and I haven’t cried since to my recollection, that is until consuming the Five Invitations.
Again, I found myself preparing to leave the house on for another morning run while listening to the story as an audiobook (I’m trying to run outside all winter if I can). As I was preparing to leave the house, I came across a section of the Fourth Invitation, find a place to rest in the middle of things, that stopped me cold in my tracks.
The author shared a story of one of his colleagues, Patty, and her 3-year-old son Jack. Patty, her husband, and Jack were having a backyard barbecue with another couple and their young child. The parents were in the backyard and the boys were playing in the front yard. They adults heard a scream and came running to find Jack in the middle of the street with a broken leg and serious other bodily damage from a hit and run car accident. They took him to the hospital immediately, but the extent of his injuries was far worse than they initially thought. After a few days on life support, the family made the tough decision to let Jack leave this world.
Hearing this story, I felt so bad for that family and for little Jack, but I didn’t cry…yet.
The story kept going.
Shortly after Jack’s passing, Patty made the decision that if she was ever going to honor Jack’s life, she can’t let this accident destroy her. Patty made the decision to allow Jack to speak through her actions in life. As a first step, Patty decided to channel Jack’s courage and strength to ultimately forgive the driver that brought this pain to her family’s door. They didn’t stop there. Patty kept living a life that she thought would make Jack proud and somehow found herself eventually as the person that the Zen Hospice Project would call on to comfort families of young children that found themselves in a similar situation.
This is when I lost it!
I found myself spontaneously crying out of nowhere in my bathroom preparing to leave on a run. All I could think about was Jack, Emilia, and how it is Patty’s and my job to make sure that we do what we can to speak for them and share their spirit with the world. I’m honored to take on this task for the rest of my life to make sure Emilia’s voice is heard in this world through my actions.
I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I decided to do something that Emilia and I haven’t done in years. I put down my airpods, I took off my arm band holding my cell phone, and I walked out of the house to go take a run with just Emilia and I.
I wanted to just be present with my daughter and listen. While I love it when we live our values together, sometimes we forget to just connect and be present with each other. Not on this day! Inspired by Jack and Patyy, Emilia and I talked the whole run and it felt so good to reconnect without all the other noise.
I missed my daughter and could feel her presence. We found our place to rest in the middle of things while we caught up on life.
Thank you, Jack and Patty, for the reminder of what this is really all about! Emilia and I won’t forget this amazing moment you inspired.
Question: How do you find your rest in the middle of things?
Links:
What is The Year of Magical Learning? An Introduction
YOML Podcast Discussion - Coming Soon
YOML Bookstore - The Five Invitations by Frank Ostasecki
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